‘I would like to be here, I would like to be there
I would like to everywhere at once
I know that’s a contradiction in terms’
A few months ago I was feeling really bad. I was nervous and anxious. But in musicals, there’s always a song or a scene to share your feelings with. It’s amazing, they express your ideas singing, everything is clearer in the show. I enjoy it because you can always find a song for every moment you are living. Is like the soundtrack of your life. With my nervous situation, I felt identified with ‘Guido’s Song’ from the musical ‘Nine’.
‘Nine’ is a Broadway musical produced in 1982, with a revival in 2003, a West End production in 1996 and a film adaptation directed by Rob Marshall in 2009. With music by Maury Yeston and book by Arthur Kopit, the show is based in Federico Fellini’s film ‘8 ½’. The story is about Guido Contini, an Italian film director in his forties, having a crisis. He is trying to create a new film but he is completely blocked.
‘I can hardly stay up, and I can’t get to sleep
And I don’t want to wake tomorrow morning
At the bottom of some heap’
I know that the film is not really popular, for being a Rob Marshall‘s movie, is not as good as ‘Chicago‘ (let’s see how is going to be ‘Into The Woods‘, I can’t wait). But first of all, for me is not that bad, every musical has something you can enjoy and discover. And in second hand, I’m not writing this post to give my opinion of the movie. As Guido, I couldn’t sleep and eat; I was feeling very nervous all the time. I felt I had a lot of pressure; I had to do everything good because it’s what I’ve always done. I am really scared of fail in any aspect of my life.
‘I want to be young, and I want to be old
I would like to be wise before my time
And yet be foolish and brash and bold
I would like the universe to get down on it’s knees
And say, “Guido, whatever you please, it’s okay
Even if it’s impossible, we’ll arrange it”
That’s all that I want’
My anxiety was driving me mad, I need to be free from my bad thoughts. Musicals help me to do that. Is different to be nervous and worried all the time than sing about it full of passion like Guido Contini does in ‘Nine‘. I enjoy his anger and desperation, this scene is powerful. I just would like to be able to scream and sing ‘I want to be young!! But I have to be old!’. This song gives me energy, performed by Antonio Banderas in the revival of ‘Nine’ in 2003 or by Daniel Day-Lewis in the fim version.
I just needed time to realise that I can make mistakes too, as everyone does, and no one is going to judge me for that. It’s easy to say and difficult to do, I know, but is possible to be happy. Now I feel much better, I just focus in all the good things I have in my life. I have a lot of family and friends who share their love with me, I’m living in an amazing city where there’s always things to do, I’m enjoying all musicals in the West End, reading books and having fun during my time off.
I want go grow up, to learn a lot of things, to be a good man. I’m changing here in London, so it’s okay to have crisis but I’m getting stronger to overcome them. I will take advantage of being in the UK, I feel positive. Of course I still feel nervous sometimes, but I have an optimistic mind, try to calm down and find a way to be happy. So I sing to myself ‘Cesar, whatever you please, it’s okay, even if it’s impossible, we’ll arrange it!’.
That’s why ‘Guido’s Song’ from ‘Nine’, for me, is poetry!